About Myself: Lies, Truth, an Exploration

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Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt was to construct a ten line poem, in which each line was a lie.  Hmmm.  I have been striving to be honest in thought, word, and deed for some time now; this seems like a basic quality of someone who wants to be a decent human being.  I have told many people that I couldn’t lie even if I wanted to, because I can’t keep a straight face and it would be so obvious that I would instantly give myself away.  I started to have trouble with this prompt, trouble because I couldn’t think of any lies besides the self-effacing ones I tell myself daily. And then I thought, “Okay. There has to be a poem in there somewhere.”

Lies I Tell Myself

You, Lorien, will never be good enough.
In fact, you are a miserable failure.
People don’t like you, because you aren’t likeable.
You will never attain the happiness you seek.
The efforts you are making lead nowhere.
You will always feel sad.
You will never be free.
You should give up.
You will never realize your highest potential.
You aren’t worth much.

Believe me. I am telling you the truth.

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On the other side of these self-denigrating lies, there is the truth of the glory that is in me. Recognizing this glory is far more of a stretch for me than rattling off all the hateful things my inner critic recites in the course of one day.  But in the world of duality, if there are lies, then there must be truths, positivity that is no less possible than the all too familiar negativity.  Positivity is a practice, and can become as rooted in my consciousness as the negativity that has hounded me for decades.  We can initiate the transformation of negative thoughts by entertaining the idea that the opposite is equally as viable.  Let us turn these lies around, then, and explore the diametric opposite of each one:

Truths About Myself

You, Lorien, are certainly good enough.
In fact, you are a great success.
People love you, because you are loveable.
You will undoubtedly attain the happiness you seek.
The efforts you are making will take you places.
You will feel happy.
You are always and forevermore free.
You should persevere.
You will realize your highest potential.
You are of great worth.

Believe me. I am telling you the truth.

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Exploration about Lies and Truths

Why is it so much easier to believe the negative things about myself?

Why do my faults seem so much more apparent than my qualities?
What is success, and what is failure?
What is loving and being loved?
What is happiness and sadness?
Where do I really want my efforts to take me?
What is freedom?
What is perseverance?
What is my highest potential?
Who decides worthiness and unworthiness?

Who or what should I believe?  What is truth?

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Afterword

It has slowly dawned on me that words will not suffice here.
Feelings cannot be contained, just as the wind cannot be contained.
All that matters is the asking of the questions,
and then cultivating a mind ready to live its way into the answers.
Patience now, as I sit with all of this.
Patience, as I recognize that I don’t know too much after all.
Relief, as I recognize that I don’t have to know anything,
that life is the greatest of teachers,
and I can embrace this process of living and learning
with humor, with detachment, with faith,
resting in the certainty that if I fall,
I can get up and try, try again.

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