Let’s Be Strong

Standard

Nearly three years of regular therapy sessions,
antidepressants since February
over three years of a daily meditation practice,
writing in this blog and in my journal daily,
studying and practicing yoga
teaching yoga
teaching relaxation…

and I still get angry
when the day is wearing on,
late afternoon into early evening,
and my kids are getting into things they shouldn’t–
and I have to stop every few minutes
to clean up a mess
redirect attention
anticipate needs

I still get angry.
I still yell, jump up and down,
speak harshly to my children,
and then immediately regret it.

Is my anger a sign of a permanent flaw
tightly woven
into the fabric of my personality,
a hopeless character defect?

or is it evidence
that I am a human?

Friend, I feel suffering just as you do
even if we are suffering over different things

Now it is time for us both to do some work…
supporting each other
as we uncover the painful places
and bring them to the light of day.

I’ll continue to work on letting go of anger.
And what is it that you are working on?
Let’s be strong, together.

Advertisements

11 responses »

    • Yes, and isn’t it challenging being with this process, however long it takes? Practicing patience with the impatience? Such a head game. I want the change NOW! I want to be patient ASAP. And yet, I watch myself becoming impatient, and that feels like a failure. I guess the trick is to be with whatever is arising, and cultivate the wisdom to recognize all of the different layers of being, that we may evolve through our experiences, and naturally release that which is no longer serving us.

  1. My biggest problem is that I block my emotions, so I have to dig for them. Except I have to get a hint that they’re even there before I think of digging–kind of a Catch-22. I think I like to float along on a little idealistic cloud, thinking everything is fine instead of noticing, for example, that a relationship with a friend has deteriorated, or that I’m really sad, or angry, about something that happened months ago and that I thought I processed. Then I’m annoyed with myself. Then I remember that being upset with myself just adds another layer to work on. And so on…..

    • Emotions are so slippery, aren’t they? I’m glad I have a therapist. It’s actually fun for me to talk about my emotions with someone who has been listening to people talk about their emotions for decades…there is no judgment, and I end up laughing at the absurdity of it all.

  2. Me too. I still get angry.. I do.. I still am mean to my husband when I feel hurt and unseen.. frustrated that I can run around all day and it appears I have done nothing.. I have been there with therapy and medication.. now it is somehow different.. even though all of that is still there.. I no longer have the need for therapy and medication.. Somehow. Just how.. I keep writing to figure out. I write as my own therapist and my own medicine now.. and working on.. being in this new way.. when these parts of me start to freak out… Something like that. I always appreciate your sharing.
    ❤ Laurie

    • And thank you Laurie, for sharing your humanness. It’s easy for me to go to a place in my mind where I believe that I’m the most angry, unstable person in the universe, and no one else could possibly experience such inner turmoil and pressure. And then to hear that people I really admire and respect go through the same thing as I go through is a healing, affirming, opportunity to be more gentle with myself. Thank you for your words.

  3. Lorien, I am putting together a journal book to share with others and was wondering if you would like to include a poem or some words. I love how you wrote in response to my little notes (Healing Our Shadow Children I think) Just wanted to ask. I sent an email. Thank you. I would be honored to include whatever feels right.
    Thanks! Hope things are well. I am home with a sick little one.
    Have a gentle day,
    Laurie

Please share your thoughts. Your presence here is greatly appreciated.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s