It’s hard to feel noble
when you are puking your guts up,
and you are running to the toilet several times
an hour with gurgling intestines.
Am I supposed to be noble?
It’s hard to be brave
when your body is so uncomfortable,
when you are exhausted and sleep will not come
when you are feeling lonely, sick,
and it’s late at night.
Am I supposed to be brave?
It’s hard to feel enlightened
when you are impatient to feel better,
when you are burdened by your sick, aching body,
when you feel as if the illness
has consumed you,
and you are grieving the loss of your health.
Am I supposed to be enlightened?
Embracing the healing process,
surrendering to what is,
I don’t ask myself to be
noble, brave, or enlightened.
I let this moment be what it is,
and from this place of acceptance,
I let the healing come.
Breathing helps when I can remember,
but I learned that forgetting is okay too.
And it’s okay to whimper and moan.
And it’s okay to be caught up in the suffering.
When I set myself free
to be who I am
and feel what I feel,
it doesn’t really matter what happens
on the outside.
Inside there is peace.
And even if I find it for just one second,
for one exhalation,
inside there is peace.