Longing for Connection

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At the outset of this blog project nearly one year ago, I found myself wanting to explore the idea of creative recovery, how to pierce through the noise of my emotional system and delve into the creative, inspired self that can be expressed outwardly as writer, artist, crafter, teacher, mother, dancer…endless expressions of this indwelling creative spirit embodied as Lorien.

As I began to move through the Twelve Steps with the idea of my creative recovery in mind, I explored the idea of addiction and experiences surrounding this theme in my life; how I perceived my family’s relationship with alcohol, with anger, with hoarding, to name a few.  I started to see how alcohol use and abuse has been normalized within my family, and how choosing not to drink made me part of a slim minority. I am glad to have found clarity though; I didn’t need their approval or support to make this choice–it just seemed like the most loving thing I could do for my body, mind, and the people around me to choose to be substance free.

Having been completely alcohol free for almost a year and a half, I find myself even more sensitive to the use of alcohol in social settings. I don’t miss it, so I’m not worried about a relapse or anything; I never considered myself an alcoholic although I have displayed some unhealthy behaviors during my adult years.

The fact of my being completely sober threw into sharp relief the behaviors of my family members who were drinking, and I found myself wishing for authentic connection with them in the absence of alcohol use.  But how to meet them where they are?  How to be loving, regardless?

Is it unrealistic of me to hope for my family members to choose sobriety?  Is it futile? I want to know them, to be present to them, to listen, but it’s challenging when they are becoming more loud and aggressive with each sip.

Anybody out there have thoughts on being the only sober one in a group of people who are under the influence?

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2 responses »

  1. Tough one. I often don’t feel connected with people around me. I have found that the more I reconnect with myself, the more I am able to meet them where they are at.. and I don’t really need to be seen by them.. though parts of me can be bothered by the lack of real connection. I try to connect with people who I can connect with more easily.. and then accept what I can learn from the more difficult interactions.
    I was in 12 steps for 9 years. ❤

    • Thank you Laurie, what you said makes great sense and is in beautiful alignment with the kind of deep self-honoring and knowing that you share with us in your notes. I really appreciate your consistency. It can be disappointing and alienating to be the only one in the room who is actively cultivating clarity and seeking authentic connection if you are searching for those things outside of yourself–but if you look within, you will always find them. Yes, thank you! Wonderful insight. 💖🙏✨

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