I Am

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This morning,
for the first time
in several days,
I sat on my cushion
for a full thirty minutes.

Life has been busy
and my practice
has been sacrificed,
cut short,
so that I can give more,
do more,
be more for others.

One could easily say
that it is good of me
to give more of myself
to my children, my family,
my home…

But the result of
reducing my practice
is the feeling that
I have been reduced somehow,
that the part of me who
abides beyond
the roles of
cook, laundress,
chauffeur, doer
ceases to exist

As if there is
only room for my function,
and not for myself.
As if I am a shell,
instead of the being
who lives within it.

But this morning I sat,
and I sat to come home
to this self.
It was early, 5am,
the light was grey and dim
and the world was quiet,
save for a few chirps
here and there
of morning birds
proclaiming their enthusiasm
for this day.

The reassuring texture
of my cushion
and the familiar posture
of my body
let me know
that it was time,
and it was good.
I sat up tall,
closed my eyes,
and breathed.

At some point
I found myself
breathing even more deeply,
repeating as I inhaled
Here
and as I exhaled
Now

It didn’t take
long at all
and I remembered…

I am not this body
nor am I this mind
I am not this name
or this job
or this relationship…

I am.
Very simply,
I am.

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