Generosity for the Self

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Here I am again,
just two days before another workshop,
feeling unprepared, anxious,
a bit panicky
and self-critical, asking myself,
Why didn’t you pace yourself better?
When are you going to grow up 
and stop procrastinating?
The topic of the workshop is generosity.
And as with all things that are important in life,
I must experience it first
before I can hope to teach anyone else about it.
So I start with myself.
I am generous with compassion
for the tired mother
who is trying to make everyone happy
and who often forgets about her own needs in the process.
I blanket her in forgiveness and reassurance.
I let her know that she is worthy of love and happiness
regardless of the outcome.
I remind her that her self-worth is not at stake here
and that she has done the best she can
in the midst of the chaos of daily life.
Okay, this looks good on paper,
but these are just words,
and talk is cheap.
Now let me practice it for real.

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