Breathing Underwater

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It began with multiple interruptions
to my morning meditation…
my son ran in the room
wanting breakfast,
and my husband wouldn’t wake up
to get the lad some food.
And so it fell on mama
to rise early from her cushion,
as she was attempting to awaken,
as her husband was allowed to simply sleep…
The stories about
putting everyone else’s needs before my own,
so many stories in my head
contributing to a dark mood,
repetitive thoughts,
and the noise from the outside world,
enough to make the sanest crazy.
There is no vacation from one’s darkest thoughts.
I haven’t had mind altering substances for years,
and sometimes in moments like these
I remember why I drank wine and beer.
But no more,
I made this commitment to being clear,
and that means diving deeper
when the water is dark and frigid
when the foreboding depths
seem to conceal
a terrifying truth…
There is no end to this pain.
Of course, I could also reason
that the deeper I dig,
the more space I will have to welcome joy.
When the light of awareness
pierces the murky depths
I might discover
there is nothing to fear,
I won’t suffocate in my pain,
I might learn to breathe underwater.

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4 responses »

  1. Just breathe, sister. Above water.
    I hope it doesn’t sound trite, but I empathize, Lorien.
    Have you read my post that the collaboration is being published?
    If you don’t mind having your contribution included, please read the post & email me when you can. No rush.
    Wishing you a peaceful tomorrow.
    Michael

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