Guilt and shame
Rage and frustration
Disappointment and impatience
Hopelessness and despair…
all before 9 am.
I should’ve awakened early
and meditated first.
It was my daughter’s first day of first grade. My in-laws were preparing to leave. The house was in chaos, and what I thought was an innocent request to help with the garbage was somehow interpreted as a tyrannical outburst which mortified and outraged my husband.
I think I need to develop the discipline to get up and meditate first before I speak to anyone–even when I’m tired and am seduced by the idea of meditating at some point mid-morning, after I’ve had my coffee and the number of humans in the house has been reduced to two. When I sit first, I have a tendency to be more calm, more insightful, more patient, more aware, and this translates into better, smoother interactions with my family.
I’ve known this for a long time, but sometimes I flub up and can’t manage to get up before everyone else. This is where I need to remind myself that I’m human, and sometimes life is messy. I can offer myself a good dose of self-compassion and give myself a break for once.
I’ll try to wake up earlier tomorrow and see what happens.