Holy Daze

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It’s humbling to realize
after all the work I’ve done
simplifying,
going inwards,
unifying body, mind, spirit,
that I’m still very much
a materialist…
I just don’t want to hear it.
I think I need to give my children things
and there’s this pressure to get it right
and I find myself in Target at night
searching for multicolored LED lights
when all I really want is to be still,Β rest…
am I hoping my neighbors will be impressed?
Ah, I’m tired, back home again,
realizing that I didn’t get the right lights.
Cripes!
Now I need to go back to the store
and return the lights.
This kind of craziness sure does take the holiness
out of the holidays…
I’m in a holy daze.

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17 responses »

    • I catch myself stroking my own ego sometimes. It’s amazing to watch. Almost as if some part of me thinks I’m so unique and spiritual…so different from these “normal” people shopping at Target…It’s crazy! At other times I’m just grateful to live in a part of the world where it’s possible to go to a store. And still at others I see the people shopping there and I see myself in them. It’s such a trip to have so many different ways of seeing and feeling and being. I learn about myself every time I’m around other people… ❀ πŸ™‚

      • Right? But the ego part has a way of co-opting the language of the spiritual part, so it sneaks in there and parades around like it knows what it’s talking about. It can get really tricky discerning between all the different parts. One of the reason I love your poems is the sense of being ok with all the different parts, and not necessarily having to analyze each and every one. I remember one of your poems, there was this image of tossing all of the little pieces up and just letting them fall, trusting that wherever they ended up would be fine. That was a soothing read! ❀

      • And thank you for adding your thoughts. It definitely enriches my experience here immensely to be in dialogue with you. Thank you Laurie for being here. πŸ™‚ ❀

      • I was thinking we’re pretty brave to try and figure this out…how to be in the world raising kids and all ..instead of meditating in the desert. I always come back to that. πŸ’šπŸ’™

      • YES! Thank you for that! Why is it always easier to find a reason to doubt myself? I’d like to get to the point where my default is loving and accepting all of myself, even the most vulnerable, scared, unsure parts of myself…and just letting the voice of doubt be another part, but not taking center stage. ❀

      • Awe. I think we’re fine right here. ❀ I still say stuff and go.. what? Who said that? πŸ™‚ Also I found egos can be helpful in the world.. so ya.. it's an exploration I think. It's frustrating sometimes because acting natural and accepting all these little parts.. means sometimes looking silly. ❀ But its not so bad.

      • Thank you Laurie. I agree with you. And I wish that I could feel that truth in a deep part of my consciousness, especially when it’s evening time and I’m tired and I start to get grumpy and impatient with my kids. Baby steps…Ah…<3

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