The Flow of All Things

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I lost my temper again today.
It took a moment,
but I was able to forgive myself
for my outburst
and my son
for his sneakiness.
I had been helping my daughter
with her homework
and my son
–against my wishes–
had taken the iPad*,
sneaked it up into his room.
I felt so frustrated
with his dishonesty
and so responsible somehow,
like it wouldn’t have happened
if I could have kept better track of him…
but how can I be in two places at once?
After I got over myself enough
I took my two children to the park;
it was 66 degrees, in February,
can you believe it?
I watched them ride their bikes
in a loop of sidewalk,
down a hill then up a hill,
watched other children
playing, laughing,
so exuberant, full of energy.
Back home,
instead of slipping into
my default mode of feeling
overburdened by dinner preparation,
I enlisted the aid of my children.
I was amazed to see
how happy they were
to help.
I wondered what else I’ll discover
about my two bright little ones
(and myself)
when I let go of the need
to be in control
and open to this moment,
to them,
to the flow of all things.

*Now, if you’re asking yourself “What’s the big deal?  It’s just a kid being sneaky with an iPad,” let me explain that we’ve had multiple conversations about how spending large amounts of time on the iPad will do nothing for his wonderful mind.  He also has been acting like a big time jerk face after spending too much time on the device–disrespectful, moody, whiny, throwing toys, taking swings at me. I thought it was important to take a break from it today and let him know this; he stomped and shouted and was in general very rude to me in response. So maybe you can see now why it would trigger me that he would go and sneak off with the thing when I was helping my daughter with her homework.  If you’re a parent who never loses your temper, tell me how you do it.

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4 responses »

  1. 🙂 I can relate to this so much. My sons are both very much screen time junkies. My daughter seems very focused on creativity – mandalas, writing, coloring. I’m trying to find a balance to the boys that gives them more outlets and less inputs. Like you, though, I found myself easing up on my mom accelerator and trying to listen to them and their wisdom, while using my knowledge and understanding of myself to help them. It’s so much easier, in a sense, when I find the way to work with them versus fighting with them. Even a simple thing like making my son do his homework before screen time, I feel like “duh!” but it hadn’t occurred to me until I was so tired of the homework fight. You’re an awesome mom!

    • Thanks MBI, you are too. Part of what I love about this blog community is seeing again and again how I’m not an isolated woman having isolated experiences, but in fact I’m a pretty normal woman having normal experiences. It helps to see that there are others going through the same thing…I end up feeling connected to all caregivers everywhere who have this same kind of battle with their charges. Hugs to you and thanks for your words of solidarity and encouragement! ❤ 🙂

  2. Thank you for this. It’s inevitable to lose your temper every once in a while. I appreciate that you forgave yourself. Your children will see that perfection isn’t a pre-requisite for love.

    • Ahhh, how sweet and true…perfection isn’t a pre-requisite for love! Thank you for that reminder. And you’re right, losing one’s temper is inevitable every once in a while…it’s nice to give myself permission to be human, and for my kids to see that I am human. Authentic relating is possible with such honesty. 🙂 ❤

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