Category Archives: questions

Deeper Initiation

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The world is closing in
and my feelings overwhelm me;
there is no escape.
Wisdom speaks.
It says:
When it appears
that there is no direction to turn,
it is time to turn within.
Can I tease apart
the many layers of my grief?
Can I find the slivers of light
that make their way in
when I reach for the spaces
between the darkest thoughts?
I never knew it would be this hard.
I wonder who’ll I be
on the other end.
Someone suggested
that this is an initiation of sorts.
Initiation into what?
I know sadness, loneliness,
depression and grief too well.
Is this a deeper initiation,
a chance to crack the code
of existence itself?

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Shining For You

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What begins as a sad, sober moment
ends as a hearty celebration,
and the things we thought we lost
have just taken another form.
Why grieve, then?
If nothing is lost
why are we searching?
Each question is a little twinkling star
in the grandest night sky of silent knowing.
Keep asking
and maybe you will see
all the lights are shining
for you.

Nothing New

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Sitting in a bar in Baltimore
waiting for the musicians to play
wondering if there are any new thoughts
a human mind could think—
or are all thoughts just iterations
of the same thoughts
humans have been thinking
for millennia?
I decide to embrace the awkwardness
of nothing new.
I decide I don’t need
to be spectacular.
Wow, the pressure is off.
That feels pretty good.

Within Reach

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If you knew that what you wanted
was within reach
right outside your comfort zone
would you go for it?
If you knew it would take
some effort on your part
would you go ahead
and muster the strength?
If you knew you could do it
but you would need to choose it,
and choose it with every fiber
of your beautiful being,
would you make the choice?

–Says the Universe to us,
every single day, as it
puts what we want
within reach—
just outside our comfort zone.

Retreat Day 5: Integration

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Soon we’ll be heading back home.
How will it feel
to leave the warm Arizona desert
and return to the reality
that awaits me back home?
What do I do
when home doesn’t feel like home?
It’s cold in Maryland.
My husband and I are meeting with
the mediator next week.
I still grieve the loss of our friendship,
the loss of closeness, of trust,
of a shared future.
I want to have answers
but that’s not how this works;
I’m living my path
day by day,
moment by moment.
I want to see the whole
trajectory of my life,
but all that is ever revealed to me
is the next step forward,
just one step at a time.
So I take one step.
That’s all I can do.
My deep wish
in this moment
is that the magic I felt
while here
will be so integrated
within my Self
it will stay with me
and live in my heart
as I turn towards
what waits for resolution,
opening to what is.

Making My Case

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Heading out of town
and one week
becomes a lot to plan for.
I tell myself
This time I’ll pack lightly.
Hours later
my suitcase is as heavy
as…as…I don’t know what—
but it’s heavy.
I can’t really plan
in the end.
I can hope I have
what it takes
but ultimately
I’ll never know what I need
until the moment
presents a need.
Now,
how to go about
simplifying these needs?

Sleeping With My Mother

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For the first time in months
I’ll be sharing my bed with another…
this time with my mother,
who is visiting for the holidays.
She came a little early
to help with the kids
while I take time out
for a week long retreat,
God bless her.
It seems odd to share my bed
with my mother,
but since my husband
is no longer my husband
he occupies the space downstairs
with his brand new bed…
when will he share his bed
with another?
It has been five months
since we slept beside one another.
I miss the closeness, the warmth;
sometimes I even miss his snoring.
Does he miss me ever?
Strange, the questions that arise
as I contemplate
sleeping with my mother.