I have this question bouncing around in my mind.
It has something to do with responsibility,
evolution, speciation, becoming, belonging.
It isn’t fully formed.
It’s just the feeling of a question.
I’m not looking for an answer.
I just want to ask the question.
I want to know what it is,
find the words,
and just ask.
I keep searching and searching for meaning.
I want to understand.
I think I’ve found something,
and the understanding melts away
to reveal still more questions
a deeper search, an endless journey.
Could I embrace the process of becoming?
Could I stop asking myself to arrive
and instead be content with each small step?
In the infinite realm of possibility
that is this Universe,
there is no end point,
just a constant cycling and recycling
of energy and experiences.
Even death is just another beginning.
So can I let go of the story
that I need some neat, tidy resolution
to the life I’ve lived thus far,
and simply love and embrace
the life I’m living right now?
if I go deeper than I’ve ever gone before,
will I get lost in the depths?
Will I hit the bottom and bounce back up?
Will I get disoriented and not know
which way is up?
Will I run out of air?
Will I drown down there?
Even scarier than the thought
of getting lost in the depths
is the thought of staying forever
stuck in the shallows
wondering if I’ll ever
have the courage to go deeper.
I think I’ll just go ahead
and go deeper.
And then it hit me…
The reason I can’t see the path ahead
is because I’m creating a new one.
Let me trust the forces that brought me here.
Let me tap into the deep source of awareness.
Let me be willing to step into the unknown
and allow myself to blossom
in the vast, open field of infinite possibilities.
You can have whatever you want
but only if you give yourself
permission to have it.
If it isn’t here now,
get still, look inside.
Do you believe
it’s a possibility
that you could really have this thing?
If you really want it,
give yourself permission to have it.
Otherwise you’ll be asking for it
and pushing it away
What do you really want?
Is that so?
Prove to me
you’ve given yourself permission to be happy.
by being happy.
Still more of everything.
I read a few pages,
I pause to consider,
and then one of my kids
Where was I?
I pick up another book,
read a few pages more.
Will I ever get to the bottom of this?
I start to wonder
if all the answers
to all of my questions
aren’t already inside of me
and I’m using the books
to distract me away from that realization.
Could I trust myself
to get still and pay attention
to what is alive in me in this moment?
It seems that that most helpful guidance
doesn’t come from a book
but instead flows
from the Source within.
Could I open to this source
and let it pour from me
to bless the world
with the clear, pure water
I realized that
the kids and I are happier without him.
I realized that I’m glad to see him go
and be with another.
I realized I’m grateful to her;
she helped to set me free.
I’m grateful to him; I forgive him.
and the whole Universe
is behind me
and with me
and ahead of me
and below me
and above me
and all around me
and inside me.
I realized that
ALL IS WELL.