As ombré ink illuminates the page
I am fulfilled by the perfection of life.
reality never ceases to amaze me
when I open my eyes and get out of my head.
Friendships blossom all around me
mirroring the friendship I’m cultivating
with my Self.
It was always this good,
I just wasn’t awake enough to see it.
Sometimes I stop and realize
I’m still waiting for things to get better.
What does that mean anyway?
This kind of thinking is so unconscious,
because, why would I want more than this moment?
This moment is all we ever have.
Why would a different reality be better than this one?
Reality is what it is, always and forever.
The only thing that changes is my relationship to it.
When I wake up to my unconscious thinking,
take a deep breath, open my eyes, and look around,
I am so blessed.
to breathe for my sisters,
Feeling drowsy, peaceful,
almost nodding off,
why I’m here,
why I’m doing this.
a voice says,
and I shake off my fatigue
for a moment longer.
And I realize
awakening is one thing
but staying awake is another.
I always envisioned
this dramatic moment of awakening
where the course of my life
would be changed in some way
A guru, a shaman, a lover,
or some cataclysmic event
would open me
to the breadth and depth of life
and I would be transformed.
It turns out that awakening,
or at least my awakening
hasn’t happened like that
and likely never well.
My awakening is a daily choice.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in the flow
and sometimes I think
that my life really blows.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
I invent my life with my stories
and with my thoughts.
I invent the importance of awakening
and the context in which it could take place.
I’ve decided to relax my expectations
and cultivate curiosity…
and also practicality.
When I’m asleep, I’m asleep.
When I’m awake, I’m awake.
And that’s about as much awakening
as I could ever ask for.
Sitting here, trying to stay awake
I bring my attention back
to the give and take of the breath.
Faces of loved ones, friends, family
appear before me
and for each one in turn
I breathe in their suffering
and send to them peace, joy,
health, ease of well-being.
This practice reminds me
that we all suffer in one way or another.
It shows me how not to fixate
on my little self in the enormity
of this amazing universe.
And then, when I turn my attention
back to my own suffering,
it is with wider eyes
and a heart that remembers,
You are not alone.
My mind and body are so tired
and the idea of lying down so alluring
but something deeper in me wants to awaken
and so I remain.
I stay in my seat, sit up a little taller, breathe.
And again, that sensation of tiredness
swirls right in my belly
making me want to double over,
put my head down.
But this will in me,
Don’t give up.
Stay in your seat.
I keep checking the time.
When I refocus
my eyes begin to close
and my mind wanders off.
I just want to sleep.
Why am I doing this anyway?
I want to awaken.
I stay in my seat.
A lot of what we’re chasing after,
a lot of what haunts us,
is this desire to feel complete.
And we think something outside of us
will help us to reach that state of wholeness.
And so we scramble…
a trip to the mall
or to Amazon.com,
an hour (or three) on social media,
We think these things we get
will help us to get a life,
but there is always something else
we are lacking.
One acquisition leads to another…
There will never be enough
to fill that empty whole
inside of us.
until we become very still
and sense that we are complete,
always have been
and always will be.
How could we be otherwise?
Here we are,
being breathed by life,
each breath we are fulfilled.
Any thought that we are lacking something
is a story that was sold to us.
Stop buying it.