Tag Archives: consciousness

I Love This Self

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Who is the self
behind the stories
behind the words
behind what I have seen
behind what I have heard?
Who is this Self?
I keep looking;
I cannot find it.
I can’t see it or hear it
or taste it or touch it
or smell it…
But I can feel it.
It’s there when
I get still and silent
and go inside myself.
It’s behind the noise
and the heartbreak
and the dissatisfaction
and all the stories
of all the mistakes I made
and all the reasons
I can never be truly happy…
It’s there shining, smiling gently,
arms open wide,
ready to welcome me back home.
I love this Self.

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Lucid Dream: An Ocean of Stars

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In the early morning
just before dawn
I had a lucid dream.
My body still asleep,
my mind became alert
that the reality I was experiencing
was, in fact, a dream.
I was facing a dark parking lot
standing on a narrow path
with the woods behind me,
and it struck me how creepy it was
to be there, just standing there
in the dark night alone.
And then I dropped something
(was it my keys??)
and I began searching in the plants
beside the path for whatever it was
I thought I had lost.
Suddenly, I realized,
I’m dreaming! There is no reason
for me to be here in a dark parking lot
at night by myself.
And then came the feeling of excitement
and the exhilaration that rises up
whenever I realize I’m awake
within my dream,
because now I’m capable of anything,
I can go anywhere,
I can have anything,
I can see everything,
the only limit is my imagination.
At such times
I usually choose to fly
just to verify
that I am in fact dreaming.
So I felt my body rising up
toward the sky.
And I had this felt sense
that I had tried so many times
to be in control of this sort of experience,
wanting to master the art of flying,
to be strong and capable,
taking myself wherever I wanted,
but now…
Now I wanted to surrender.
I wanted to surrender to God.
And so I let myself be buoyed up,
up, up, up,
until I was high in the sky
close to the stars,
and it was this feeling of being held
softly, gently,
of floating in this vast ocean of stars
and it felt so good and so right
to just let myself be held.
I awoke then,
but the feeling has stayed with me,
and this image of being held
by a gentle, unseen, immense force—
floating in an ocean of stars.

Standing Here

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Standing here, looking forward
I can hope, I feel strong,
I know I can make it through this.
Looking back
I feel angry, I feel hurt,
I feel betrayed,
I am filled with grief.
Standing here, right here
in this present moment,
I am aware of the swirls of thought
and my tendency to look back
and to look forward.
Standing here, opening my eyes,
I see what choices I have.
I sit down.
I close my eyes.
I breathe in and out, slowly.
This moment is all I ever have.
This moment is all I ever need to know.

The Truth Is

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For so long the sense of urgency
has haunted me…
Gotta go there,
gotta do this,
gotta be someone,
I’m not good enough…yet—

gotta get better!
Then I can be loved,

then I can be successful,
then I can be happy.
My head spins,
my stomach hurts,
this belief of
Never good enough
always right there,
chasing me, haunting me.
And then I realize
I can stop, breathe,
feel space within me,
and tune into the truth.
No thing is chasing me,
no thing is haunting me.
Although in the past
I believed my erroneous
thoughts and stories were
THE truth—
today I stand in a different truth.
The truth is,
I am a human, being.
The truth is,
I am imperfect.
The truth is,
I don’t have to be good,
I don’t have to be special,
I don’t have to be right,
I don’t have to be safe,
I don’t have to be other than
who I am right now.
Do you know what this means?
Freedom.

It’s Obvious

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I keep expecting more from myself;
it seems I am not evolved enough.
Then I end up feeling disappointed.
What if there were another way?
What if I could look at myself
and apply the balm of compassion?
What if I could accept my shortcomings
and invite myself to make small shifts
according to what is realistic
in this day to day adventure of life?
What sounds better—
self-denigration
or self-love?
And what will lead to a better outcome
for myself, my family, my community,
my world?
Which choice will empower me
to look upon others with love,
understanding, patience, compassion?
It seems obvious now, doesn’t it?

Back Home to Joy

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Don’t hide your pain,
especially from yourself.
Pain hidden from yourself
gets blamed on others.
Be brave, warrior,
and look deep inside.
The pain is just another facet
of the deep and abiding joy
that is who you really are.
To experience this deep joy,
you must navigate through
your own pain.
Sit still, breathe,
pay attention to your body—
it has much to tell you.
Breathe a little more,
let it reach deeper into you.
Tune into all of it,
feel all of it,
the grief, the anger, the sadness,
the resentment, the disappointment—
whatever it is, it is showing you the way
back home to your joy.