Tag Archives: grace

True Grace

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Adjusting to a new reality
and wanting to be graceful about it…
but watching myself
go kicking and screaming instead.
And then grateful
I can be this honest with myself.
Noticing I’m judging
when I want to be accepting,
I’m scared when I want to be brave
I’m avoiding when I want to be proactive.
And it hits me…
I don’t have to be good at this.
I can be the way I am
and show up for myself
with love and compassion.
A space opens up
where the resistance once lived.
Now true grace can be revealed.

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No Other Way

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When you become a channel for Grace
don’t expect life to make sense.
Grace doesn’t move through your rational mind,
that linear lie of mathematical meaning,
holding on to logic for dear life,
as if it could give us what we yearn for.
Just learn to be still and listen, really listen
to the promptings of your soul.
Be open.  Breathe. Watch. Listen. Feel.
There are signs everywhere
pointing you in the direction you need to go.
And you only ever need to know this moment.
It’s all you ever can know.
Let the armor you’ve built around you fall away
to expose the tender, beautiful self you’ve been hiding.
This tenderness reveals the exquisite sensitivity required
to receive the messages sent to you by the Grace
of all that is.
When you live like this
you realize there is no other way to live.

Only Grace Now

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Impatience.
Wanting to be organized.
Wanting the house to be neat and tidy,
ready to welcome guests.

“Give it a few more weeks,”
a dear friend suggested
when I told her
of the piles of boxes
that plague me
as I move from room to room.

And then I remember to breathe.
This moment,
no other moment.
And the things that confused me,
the things that perplexed me,
they shrink to their proper size
and significance,
and I don’t feel so much pressure
to fix things or change things
or figure things out.

The clutter in my living space
will melt away
as I let go of the clutter in my mind.

Now I remember to breathe.
Only grace now.

A Community of Light Bearers

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Light Bearers

Today seems really special for some reason.  It could be the slight chill in the air that hints autumn is on its way, or the quality of the light as I drove my daughter to preschool this morning.  It could be the receptivity of my students this morning who were willing to try out the Tibetan yoga techniques I learned this past weekend.  Maybe it’s the fact that I had a nice mother-daughter lunch and then came home to my hubby putting the ingredients for chili in a slow cooker, and noticing how he had grocery shopped, cleaned and organized the house while we were out.  Maybe it is grace, pure and simple, revealing to me once again how the little things in each moment fuse together one by one to make up the beautiful patchwork quilt of our lives–so many colors and textures, such blessing and a joy to behold.

Whatever it is, it feels good and I am grateful.  When I logged in to my blog this afternoon and discovered that some dear souls had left comments for me, it really did feel like a wonderful gift.  “Wow,” I thought to myself, “they took the time to write that.  For ME!  They actually read my words and now they’re sharing.  This is beautiful!”

And then it occurred to me how those who read and respond to my posts do so because in some way these words resonate with them.  It might seem like this goes without saying, but upon further exploration of this idea, I realize that I’m calling into my life people who also do the work of looking inwards, who are searching for deeper meaning in their lives, who see the divine in the simple things, who practice lovingkindness in the world around them.

I’ve been wondering for a good portion of my adult life who my tribe is.  Surely I’ve been able to flow into and out of social situations, but I have never really felt like I was part of a cohesive group of like-minded people.  And oh how I have wanted to be a part of a tribe!  Something larger than myself, a support network whose power is far greater than the sum of its parts, creating synergy that makes the impossible possible.

One of my deepest dreams for some time now is to belong to a community of light-bearers.  People who consciously carry their gifts into the world and do what they love in service of others.  Massage therapists, meditation teachers, reiki practitioners, acupuncturists, nutritionists, yoga teachers, homeopathic and holistic doctors, artists, writers, musicians, dancers, shamans, botanists, psychotherapists, feng shui experts, scholars, life coaches–in my dream community, such people would exist in close proximity, and each day would be about healing, working with joy, creating a sustainable way of life for ourselves and the planet.  Glowing with health inside and out, each day would be a celebration of our own unique talents and abilities that we would gratefully share with others.

“Well gee,” I said to myself, as I pondered the community of writers I have met through my blog, “here is my tribe!  Here is the community of light bearers I have been searching for. Here are friends who show up and celebrate with me the beauty that exists in the here and now.  Here are friends who are offering hope and light and laughter with their words.”  It’s as though I was staring at the solution all along and never seeing it, because I was expecting it to arrive in a certain form.  And now that I’m looking straight at it, I’m wondering why I didn’t see it in the first place.

Anyway, all of this to say, thank you to all of you who show up with yourselves, your whole selves, and share your essence with this world.  Each word, each image is a blessing.  I am thankful to be a part of this community, thankful that there are friends out there who understand what I’m trying to say and who unabashedly jump out on the limb with me.

Now who wants to join in constructing a little village for all of us, so that we may regularly sit together with a cup of tea and share and dance and sing and create just for the joy of it?

 

 

Practice First

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I decided to try something different tonight and meditate first.  Often when I come to my blog at the end of the evening, it’s a struggle to just put a few sentences together, and afterwards it’s even more of a struggle to sit still in meditation for thirty minutes, attempting to stay awake.  My body is tired from teaching four yoga classes this weekend, my mind is tired from having little sleep the past six nights. I ended up stopping my meditation early because I was so drowsy I kept losing focus.  I made it through twenty of thirty minutes  though, and that counts for something.

With ten minutes remaining, I opened the laptop and logged in to my blog.  Now here I am.  It seems like the words can flow more easily now that my mind is a little clearer, more spacious.  Even though I felt so drowsy a moment ago, now I feel more alert.  A yoga teacher once said, “Practice, and all else is forthcoming!” I can really feel this now, after making my meditation the priority and attending to it first this evening.  I wanted to save my alertness, the best part of my mind for my practice, and even just twenty minutes have refreshed me somewhat and given me the space to simply be with these words without judgment.

What would happen if I made my practice my priority every evening?  Would my evening posts go more smoothly?  It often feels like I’m struggling to find the right word, but having come from meditation, I sense that there is no right word or wrong word, there are just words, and they point to the essence, the underlying unity of all things.

There is snow in the forecast, and lots of it.  My daughter’s preschool has already been canceled for tomorrow, and I most likely won’t be going in to teach my Monday morning yoga class.  This means I will have a rare, cozy day to spend inside with my family, and right now, this inclement weather seems to be a very precious gift.

As I look forward into the month, I will be spending some time exploring the third step of the Twelve Steps of AA.  The third step is all about turning one’s life and affairs over to the will of God as we understand God. Since I read about this, I’ve thought so much about how much I try to control in my life, and how fruitless and painful this delusional struggle for control can be.  Giving up this illusion, I find the clarity to see my life as it is now, and I have a receptive, open mind that can be led to make decisions for the greatest good of all concerned.

Just for the heck of it, I began today with this idea of “turning it over” to God.  I found myself getting frustrated with other drivers on the road who were pulling dangerous moves, not using their turn signals, dawdling at green lights because they were on their phones.  As I saw myself growing increasingly frustrated, I reminded myself that peace is in this moment, only in this one moment.

I began to say out loud to God, “I turn my anger, rage, resentment, irritation, impatience, and anxiety over to you.  I don’t know how to handle this on my own.  I put this in your hands, that you may show me the way to peace.” I breathed deeply.  I had to keep turning my road rage over to God, because the other drivers kept giving me opportunities to feel irritated, frustrated, annoyed…oh the unsavory words escaping from my mouth!

Then, in the next moment, “God, I turn this anger over to you. I trust that your power will help me to heal. I have tried everything I know how to do, and still I am angry.  Still I react with impatience. God, please show me how to live in alignment with your light and love.”

I turned my marriage, my family, my parenting, my friendships, my work, my creativity, my body, and my mind over to God today.  Every time I felt worried or irked about something, I would turn whatever it was over to God.  The newness of this felt refreshing; it introduced a quality of lightness into the moments where I was challenged by my own negative thinking.  I’m so often trying to mold situations to my liking, and the internal pressure that builds as I push against the things I don’t want becomes profoundly uncomfortable, dark, thick, heavy.  To feel even a little lightness began to ease the pressure I have placed on myself to get it right.  So I kept turning things over, practicing a willingness to let go, if only for a second.  I sense that right now I’m mostly intellectualizing this giving up of control, but over time, with earnest effort, I might actually experience what it is to set down the illusion of control and allow God to show me the way.  I look forward to this grace.

Time for bed.  This mama is tired!