Tag Archives: healing

Self-Help Junkie

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I ordered more self-help books today…
they’ve been my drug of choice
since June.
I keep believing
someone else has found
the clear path to my healing.
I’m searching
for the recipe
the strategy
the tip
the trick
the magical incantation
the mantra
the meditation
the process
the 40 day workbook
the online program
the teacher, speaker, or coach
to help me feel ok
about my life,  my self.
The hungry ghost looms large;
its insatiable appetite aches loudly.
I am overcome by everything.
I start to believe
that some mistake was made
when I came to Earth,
because clearly
I wasn’t meant for this world.
I pick up another self-help book.
Oh, someone else feels this way too?
I find some hope, some solace,
one moment of respite.
There are worse addictions.

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Forgiveness All Day

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I spent the day praying
for a miracle of forgiveness.
I didn’t want to hold grievances
against anyone anymore.
I wanted to be free
of all the negativity
that was chaining me
to hurts of my past.
It seemed to go quite well,
this heart-opening I requested
from God and the Angels.
I felt lighter, more spacious,
more free,
as I imagined forgiving everyone
in my life, no exceptions.
But then night fell.
He went out with his friends
leaving me alone with the kids…
again.
And I was tired.
And they wouldn’t go to bed.
Then they wouldn’t stay in bed.
So I yelled. I got loud and angry.
But hey,
I practiced forgiveness all day,
so maybe I’ll be able
to extend some to myself.

Because of You

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I made it through the long dark night
because of you.
You who read my words
and answered my questions,
who tested my assertions
and suggested space
for different conclusions.
I’m still here
because of your presence,
a great gift of light
revealing the truth
that had been obscured
during the long dark night.
Never question your gifts;
never doubt your talents.
You rose to the occasion,
provided a pause of sanity
when my mind was clouded
with every possible lie,
you gave my light room
to breathe and expand,
and I could believe in myself again.
I made it through the long dark night
because of you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank You.

I Honor This Path

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Two times I sought solace in the wood
today and it was good
being soothed by Mother Nature
in that way.
I sat on a boulder in the stream,
listened, breathed,
it would seem
my choice was sound
once my mood turned round
and I was myself again.
I sat until the night’s chill
began to settle
and the setting sun halfway done
on its path back home
shone golden on the tree friends
who held me while I said
I honor this path I am on,
and I am grateful for the means to walk it.
I summon the courage to stay on this path
and 
I see the rightness of this moment.

The Third Meeting

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I attended
a Co-Dependents Anonymous
meeting the last two Thursday evenings.
They recommend you attend 6-8 meetings
before you make a decision.
The first meeting
I saw myself as superior to everyone there.
The second meeting
I realized that I am everyone there.
I wonder what will happen
at the third meeting.

I Love Her

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Opening to what is possible,
dropping the story of fear,
healing the shame,
questioning the feelings of unworthiness,
really discovering who I am.
I realize that this person
is deeply worthy of love and respect.
She is kind, powerful, inspiring,
hardworking, generous;
she always does her best.
And I love her.

Panic and Power

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Up at 3am (again)
I found myself panicking about the future.
And so I did some mirror work.
I stood in front of the mirror,
looked into my own eyes,
told myself that I was going to be fine,
that I didn’t need to worry.
I love you Lorien
I said to myself,
I know it hurts right now,
but you’ll get through this, I promise—
and you’ll be stronger on the other side.
It felt kind of goofy at first
but I just trusted and kept
reassuring myself,
and you know what?
It worked.
I felt my mood shift,
the panic was gone…
I felt calm enough to sit.
At the very end of my sit,
an affirmation came to me:
I do work that is deeply fulfilling,
that renders great service to humanity,
and which generates fabulous income.
I kept repeating the affirmation
throughout the day,
and felt myself empowering myself
to believe in the world of possibility.