Tag Archives: home

Another Dark Night

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I wake up anxious.
We have a meeting
with the realtor.
She walks around the house,
our house.
We talk about selling it,
about me moving out with the kids
to an apartment,
about what that will look like.
I try not to let them see
how deeply triggered I am
by this conversation.
I finally excuse myself,
go upstairs,
cry in the shower.
Life is changing all around me
and I’m holding on
to something that wants to leave.
I long to feel empowered
but I keep looking
in all the wrong places.
I want to be saved
but the inner savior
has fallen silent,
waiting for me
to just get still and listen.
How can I be still
with this discomfort?
How can I trust
that this is unfolding
exactly the way it’s supposed to?
How, in the midst
of the deep grief and pain
can I believe
that these feelings are temporary?
Another dark night begins.

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Back Home: What Lies Ahead

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I’m back in MD
after a long day of travel.
I’ll be honest…
It’s a let down
coming back to the cold
and the chaos of home
after the warmth
and the simplicity
of the desert.
I thought I did so much
work on my retreat,
the work of awakening,
of becoming more aware.
It turns out
the the greatest work
lies ahead.

I Don’t Have To Be Alone

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In the depths of sadness
and  caught
in a trance of unworthiness,
I somehow managed to reach out
to a friend who reached out to another friend
who then invited me to dinner…
and she gave me the name of a sitter.
Miraculously the sitter was available.
I had a burst of energy then,
and cleaned parts of the house
that had received no attention
for several months.
It felt good to freshen up the place.
And it felt good to escape
the depths of despair,
to take some fresh air in my lungs,
go out, and remember
I don’t have to be alone.

You Are Home

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Return home now.
When you are out
wandering the world
and you feel lost, alone,
scared, helpless,
simply return home.
But where is home?
Ah, now that is the real question.
Home is where you can find peace,
love, acceptance, nourishment,
rest, a sanctuary,
a warm welcome.
Is home a physical location?
What happens if your dwelling place
were suddenly washed away
or blown away, or blown up
or torn down or taken away?
Do you have no home?
Are you now homeless?
No! You will always have a home.
Sit. Close your eyes, get quiet, get still.
Sit taller. Take a deep breath.
Look inside, look deeper.
Home is where you can find peace,
love, acceptance, nourishment,
rest, a sanctuary,
a warm welcome.
Home is wherever you are.
Home is YOU.
You are HOME.