Tag Archives: honesty

True Grace

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Little by little
the awakening comes.
Can I be patient?
Can I love the one
who needs time to learn?
Self-acceptance begins
with radical honesty.
Can I look at the parts
I’ve been rejecting,
the parts I’ve been ashamed of,
and hold them tenderly,
just allowing them to be?
When I stop fighting with reality
a space opens up within me,
and I can see rightly.
I pray:
May I trust in this process.
May I surrender to the One
who knows me better than
I know myself.
May I allow this One
to open my eyes, mind,
body, and heart
to this moment as it is.
May I know true grace.

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True Grace

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Adjusting to a new reality
and wanting to be graceful about it…
but watching myself
go kicking and screaming instead.
And then grateful
I can be this honest with myself.
Noticing I’m judging
when I want to be accepting,
I’m scared when I want to be brave
I’m avoiding when I want to be proactive.
And it hits me…
I don’t have to be good at this.
I can be the way I am
and show up for myself
with love and compassion.
A space opens up
where the resistance once lived.
Now true grace can be revealed.

All There Is

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Could it be
you simply cannot see
the whole picture?
Could it be
that you are getting caught
in mental stories?
Before you fly off the handle
try to find a safe place to land.
Very often
what we most fear
is what we most deeply need
to learn.
The mechanisms we use
to cover our true feelings
only serve to prolong the agony
of imagined loneliness.
Set down your burdens
for just one moment
and see how truly loved you are.
In that loving place
awaken to the connectedness
of all beings, you included.
Love is all there is.

Summer is Over

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Tomorrow is the first day of school
and although I’m not the one going
I have jitters anyway,
for my two kiddos who’ll face
new faces, new rooms, new names,
new structure—were they meant for this?
A part of me wants to keep them home
safe and sound with me
to play all day, soak in the sun,
splash in the stream,
run in the forest…
But another part goes
THANK GOD SUMMER IS OVER!

The Truth Is

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For so long the sense of urgency
has haunted me…
Gotta go there,
gotta do this,
gotta be someone,
I’m not good enough…yet—

gotta get better!
Then I can be loved,

then I can be successful,
then I can be happy.
My head spins,
my stomach hurts,
this belief of
Never good enough
always right there,
chasing me, haunting me.
And then I realize
I can stop, breathe,
feel space within me,
and tune into the truth.
No thing is chasing me,
no thing is haunting me.
Although in the past
I believed my erroneous
thoughts and stories were
THE truth—
today I stand in a different truth.
The truth is,
I am a human, being.
The truth is,
I am imperfect.
The truth is,
I don’t have to be good,
I don’t have to be special,
I don’t have to be right,
I don’t have to be safe,
I don’t have to be other than
who I am right now.
Do you know what this means?
Freedom.

NaPoWriMo 2017 Day 12: Wanting Honesty

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I wish honesty
came clearly
white hot and bright
without withholding
or an attempt at a fair fight.
Just you, me, we, being forthright,
because we have no game to play
no blame to place
no face to shame,
just speaking the words
that fall flowing
from our lips slipping
smoothly.
I never meant to
wipe your will
with my whims
or else have it bent
to fit whatever intent
I attempted to invent this day.
No, I just honestly
want honesty
between you and me.

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Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt invited us to play around with alliteration and assonance.

Reflections at the End of the Day

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After a year and five months of living in our new home, I finally got around to finding a doctor who lives in the area.  I saw her today and ended up talking to her about my moods and how much anger I deal with, especially toward the end of my cycles. It’s humbling to have to admit that I need help dealing with something I thought I could handle on my own.  And I get caught up in the thinking that I’ve done so much work with my meditation, journaling, and seeing my therapist that surely I should be better by now.

It’s painful to admit that I scored very low on a life satisfaction survey even though many of the components necessary for a  happy life are already present in mine.  I have a family that I love and who loves me, work that is deeply fulfilling, and many interests that keep me wanting to learn and explore life.  What is wrong?  What is keeping me from expressing the highest version of myself?

These questions have no answers. They are an invitation to relax into this reality and to cultivate compassion for the one in me who needs gentleness and understanding.