Earlier in the year, I decided to work through the Twelve Steps on my journey toward recovery of my creative self. For some reason this afternoon, I remembered that project, how I sailed through the first three steps and then stalled at Step 4, which is the moral inventory. As I continued to mull over the project, I felt the familiar accusatory feelings arising, and I noticed some pretty big players becoming louder and more visible in this head game I have set up for myself.
“You never get anything done. You are so full of ideas but have no discipline to see them through to the end. You have so many thoughts that a moral inventory would be positively exhausting…you can’t be fixed. Just accept that you will never be fully happy, peaceful, secure–and get back to hiding your deepest feelings…they don’t mean anything anyway.”
Wow. Yikes. Thank you emotional system for all of that helpful advice. Now it’s time to be brave and cultivate even more radical self-acceptance. To love the neurotic thoughts, the tired body, the spirit that feels lost and alone. And then in that space of radical self love and acceptance, now my mind is free to bask in the infinite ocean of being.
I know what I want to let go of:
greed, pride, shame, pain, blame;
regret, procrastination, envy,
resistance, fear, depression, isolation,
doubt, anger, impatience, mistrust,
isolation, frustration, resentment, reactivity–
and any attachment to any specific
person, place, object, mental state,
outcome or experience.
I want to be free.
Show me how to let go of these qualities
and make space for this moment,
to unclutter the mind and savor
the splendor of this moment.
Meeting the hurting places with compassion,
I see that they are just another story I have told myself
And when I am ready to see the truth,