Tag Archives: letting go

Forgiveness All Day

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I spent the day praying
for a miracle of forgiveness.
I didn’t want to hold grievances
against anyone anymore.
I wanted to be free
of all the negativity
that was chaining me
to hurts of my past.
It seemed to go quite well,
this heart-opening I requested
from God and the Angels.
I felt lighter, more spacious,
more free,
as I imagined forgiving everyone
in my life, no exceptions.
But then night fell.
He went out with his friends
leaving me alone with the kids…
again.
And I was tired.
And they wouldn’t go to bed.
Then they wouldn’t stay in bed.
So I yelled. I got loud and angry.
But hey,
I practiced forgiveness all day,
so maybe I’ll be able
to extend some to myself.

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To Be Good

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In an effort to cope
with the overwhelming change
I dropped into a cycle
of self-improvement.
Working on myself
is something I can control.
If bad things are happening,
it’s because of my mindset,
my perspective needs tweaking,
obviously I haven’t done the right work
or enough of it
for it to count.
There comes a point
when all this work becomes exhausting,
pointless, fruitless, a waste of time.
Then the work becomes trusting,
surrendering, letting go,
opening up to what is,
being right here,
breathing.
Let me set down this burden
of always trying to be better.
Let me breathe
and love this little creature
that lives within me,
this self that tries so hard to be good.

Lucid Dream: An Ocean of Stars

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In the early morning
just before dawn
I had a lucid dream.
My body still asleep,
my mind became alert
that the reality I was experiencing
was, in fact, a dream.
I was facing a dark parking lot
standing on a narrow path
with the woods behind me,
and it struck me how creepy it was
to be there, just standing there
in the dark night alone.
And then I dropped something
(was it my keys??)
and I began searching in the plants
beside the path for whatever it was
I thought I had lost.
Suddenly, I realized,
I’m dreaming! There is no reason
for me to be here in a dark parking lot
at night by myself.
And then came the feeling of excitement
and the exhilaration that rises up
whenever I realize I’m awake
within my dream,
because now I’m capable of anything,
I can go anywhere,
I can have anything,
I can see everything,
the only limit is my imagination.
At such times
I usually choose to fly
just to verify
that I am in fact dreaming.
So I felt my body rising up
toward the sky.
And I had this felt sense
that I had tried so many times
to be in control of this sort of experience,
wanting to master the art of flying,
to be strong and capable,
taking myself wherever I wanted,
but now…
Now I wanted to surrender.
I wanted to surrender to God.
And so I let myself be buoyed up,
up, up, up,
until I was high in the sky
close to the stars,
and it was this feeling of being held
softly, gently,
of floating in this vast ocean of stars
and it felt so good and so right
to just let myself be held.
I awoke then,
but the feeling has stayed with me,
and this image of being held
by a gentle, unseen, immense force—
floating in an ocean of stars.

Letting Go

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This push-pull of existence,
like the rise and fall of the waves
the transition of summer into fall
how the moon makes way for the sun
how the stars fade at dawn
how what I once thought was love
turns out to be another story.
And what is the moral here?
Holding on to something past its time hurts,
but only one hundred percent of the time.
Sometimes the only answer is letting go.

What Was Next

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I wanted to learn about surrender
so life gave me some challenges
to see if I was serious.
And these weren’t the sorts of challenges
where effort, reason, persistence and a plan
would bear fruit,
no, these were challenges that showed me
that I have absolutely no control
over anything at all
except for the way I relate to my experience.
Was I going to fight to hold on
to old constructs, to stay in the same place,
to be seduced by familiarity,
even though it was hurting me?
Or could I let everything go,
and watch my empty hands
open and ready to receive
what was next?

I Will Not Hide

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I will not hide.
This light shines for all to see.
I will not try to live within
the box you built for me;
it cannot contain me.
Everyday I am growing;
I am sorry you cannot keep up.
But don’t worry,
this light will still be shining
by the time
you are no longer afraid
to open your eyes
and really see.

Let Go

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Brave one, let go.
Straining to hold on hurts…
just let go.
When you let go,
your own life energy flows
around and through you
and nourishes you;
You become the flow of life.
On the other side of your fear
your wise self waits and watches
silently poised, ready, attuned
to your every movement.
This self will spring up
to meet you
the instant you let go.