I came to realize that so much of my life energy
was being poured into thinly disguised attempts to be seen,
heard, held, cherished, loved…
and these attempts never yielded the results I sought.
I asked myself why I was giving my power away like that.
I asked myself to cut it out already.
And then I asked myself,
Wait a minute…can I see myself?
Can I hear myself?
Can I hold myself?
Can I cherish myself?
Can I love myself?
And I discovered that yes,
yes I can.
I awaken with new hope.
I feel grateful for simple things:
the sunlight spilling into my room,
the fact that I can eat, drink and be warm
in this home.
I realize that things are never as bad
as my mind would have me believe.
Oh my mind,
could you relax?
Could you just be for one moment?
I can accept you too, my mind,
in all of your neurotic obsessions,
I can still love you.
Maybe this is why
I awaken with new hope.
I realize that everything I am
is welcome, is free, is loved.
And now I can see the world
with these eyes of hope
and this life that is very, very good.
Forgiveness means freedom.
It is a gift you give first to yourself
and then to everyone else by extension.
When you are willing to live
from a place of true freedom
the resources appear
and you see beauty everywhere;
the voice speaks
and guides you closer
to what feels good;
the path ahead is lit brightly
so that you can find your way back home
to the warmest welcome
and the safety and comfort of good friends.
He gave up on me.
He didn’t want my sweet honey any longer.
He thought he’d find someone sweeter
and I became stronger.
He’s afraid of me now
though he’d never admit it.
And I wonder how this
being I find myself pitying
is the same one I met
and felt so much love for
when love’s first blush
painted the rosiest of pictures.
I love reality because I choose it,
and I live life because I love it,
and meanwhile reality and life
owe me nothing.
How could I be so blessed
to see the beauty of the wounding
and accept the turn our lives have taken?
He set me free. This is a gift.
And I choose it.
I awoke this morning
with hope in my heart
and God must have wanted me to meditate
because I was awakened early enough
to sit uninterrupted.
I taught 45 people metta* today
and I am grateful
to have been graced by my teachers
in order to transmit the teaching.
I am a channel of the good medicine
that wants to come through
the vessel of my being.
It brings the deepest joy to my heart
to deliver what will help and heal.
After all these years I’ve learned
that the most beautiful things happen
when I relinquish control.
Therefore I commit to setting aside
the petty protestations of my lesser self
and dissolving into the profound wisdom
of what lies beyond my understanding.
Today, with hope in my heart,
I am excited for what is to come.
I think I’m ready
to try to pretend
that one day I might
learn to forgive
I’ll make believe
that one day
I won’t feel like
some part of me
Yes, wholesome blessings,
a woman celebrating
the month before the 41st anniversary
of her birth
watching the earth
beginning to green
with the promise of spring.
The man who was my valentine
for the last eight years
is with someone else tonight
and so I bought myself flowers.
I am my own lover.
I am my own protector.
I am my own champion.
I am my own valentine.
I love the woman I am.
I love her fiercely.