It’s hard to believe that I’m already in my eighth month of writing and publishing to this blog every single day! I find myself looking forward to my writing time and savoring it; writing has become such a habit that it feels like the most natural thing to do in the world. Actually, it was a habit long before this year, but my writing was put on the back burner for quite a long time after I had my kids, and it took me until this year to recommit to a practice that has been revealing, rewarding, transformative, and deeply meaningful for me.
In my first post, published on January 1 of this year, I stated my reasons for creating this blog. Tonight I felt called to go back and reread my post, because these days I keep catching myself feeling disappointed when my writing doesn’t receive as much attention as I was anticipating. It was a relief to reread my mission statement from the beginning of the year:
No goal, except to watch myself write something every day.
Take the pressure off and write a few words. Just like that. And let them be what they are. I hope this practice will free my creative mind to play a bit more. I’m tired of trying to be good for everyone. I want to let myself be not so great, and perhaps by releasing the need to be great, I can allow myself to appreciate who I already am.
Yes. This blog will hopefully open me to appreciating myself and my life a bit more. A mirror of what is good and kind and true. I hope it will do what any compassionate mother or teacher would do–reveal the unquestionable goodness of the self that is trying to grow, and provide encouragement as baby steps are taken.
Ahh, so I was wanting to allow myself more freedom. I was wanting to write just for me. Not to impress anyone, not to prove to anyone what a competent writer I am, but simply to write for writing’s sake.
Let me remember this original vision, and let me return to it whenever I place strange expectations on my posts. There is certainly something to be said for the connection that can arise when someone takes the time to read and like my posts, but let me above all else remember that I am doing this writing to reclaim the creative self in me that has been dormant for so long.
I am certain that this process of creative recovery can be incredibly successful regardless of how my writing is received by the external world. As long as I keep thinking, feeling, noticing and celebrating this life that is mine, as long as I keep turning to writing to shed some understanding on my experiences, I will have fulfilled my mission.
And now, a few words from my creative self:
I give you permission to be a mediocre writer. But whatever you do, keep writing!
I don’t have to be good.
I don’t have to understand.
I don’t have to analyze, or judge, or anticipate.I don’t need others to think I’m good.
I don’t need others to understand.
I don’t need to hear how anyone else analyzes, judges or anticipates.
Just let me breathe in, and breathe out,
Let me be inspired from within.
I trust that there is something in me,
something good and honest and true in me
that wants to express itself outwardly in this worldLet me open to this moment,
let me allow creativity to flow,
Let me tend to my little corner of the earth,
Let me plant seeds in my little garden
Let me celebrate what grows there,
weeds and all.