in that in-between state
where my place is.
Where I am now
feels so foreign,
out of place,
I wonder when I’ll feel
at home again.
I take a deep breath
I am here.
This is home.
I discover that
when I breathe more
I enjoy life more.
my body feels good,
I have energy.
I’ve been working on
establishing a deep, slow,
for years now and
I know that it feels good
when I breathe consciously.
So the work becomes
remembering to breathe
during the day.
Thank you, oh mind,
for giving me the gift
of conscious breathing
in this moment.
Thank you for waking up from the trance
long enough to remember
to breathe just this once.
Fear rises up, resistance,
to represent a voice that thinks
reality is flawed and should be changed.
And then spirit gives my sanity back to me.
It says Breathe.
I take a deep breath and I can feel my fullness,
my power, my connection with this moment.
The fear drops away, the resistance melts,
and my body sits up taller.
It says I am here and all is well.
All of life, all of it, is NOW.
All of my power, my joy, my abundance,
all is unfolding now, only now.
As I look back, the stories that threaten me
are the ones that begin with “What if?”
I’m done playing that miserable game.
It’s time to wake up and since and dance
and rejoice and breathe and celebrate
and say THANK YOU, I’M ALIVE!
When you become a channel for Grace
don’t expect life to make sense.
Grace doesn’t move through your rational mind,
that linear lie of mathematical meaning,
holding on to logic for dear life,
as if it could give us what we yearn for.
Just learn to be still and listen, really listen
to the promptings of your soul.
Be open. Breathe. Watch. Listen. Feel.
There are signs everywhere
pointing you in the direction you need to go.
And you only ever need to know this moment.
It’s all you ever can know.
Let the armor you’ve built around you fall away
to expose the tender, beautiful self you’ve been hiding.
This tenderness reveals the exquisite sensitivity required
to receive the messages sent to you by the Grace
of all that is.
When you live like this
you realize there is no other way to live.
Standing here, looking forward
I can hope, I feel strong,
I know I can make it through this.
I feel angry, I feel hurt,
I feel betrayed,
I am filled with grief.
Standing here, right here
in this present moment,
I am aware of the swirls of thought
and my tendency to look back
and to look forward.
Standing here, opening my eyes,
I see what choices I have.
I sit down.
I close my eyes.
I breathe in and out, slowly.
This moment is all I ever have.
This moment is all I ever need to know.
For so long the sense of urgency
has haunted me…
Gotta go there,
gotta do this,
gotta be someone,
I’m not good enough…yet—
gotta get better!
Then I can be loved,
then I can be successful,
then I can be happy.
My head spins,
my stomach hurts,
this belief of
Never good enough
always right there,
chasing me, haunting me.
And then I realize
I can stop, breathe,
feel space within me,
and tune into the truth.
No thing is chasing me,
no thing is haunting me.
Although in the past
I believed my erroneous
thoughts and stories were
today I stand in a different truth.
The truth is,
I am a human, being.
The truth is,
I am imperfect.
The truth is,
I don’t have to be good,
I don’t have to be special,
I don’t have to be right,
I don’t have to be safe,
I don’t have to be other than
who I am right now.
Do you know what this means?
I keep expecting more from myself;
it seems I am not evolved enough.
Then I end up feeling disappointed.
What if there were another way?
What if I could look at myself
and apply the balm of compassion?
What if I could accept my shortcomings
and invite myself to make small shifts
according to what is realistic
in this day to day adventure of life?
What sounds better—
And what will lead to a better outcome
for myself, my family, my community,
Which choice will empower me
to look upon others with love,
understanding, patience, compassion?
It seems obvious now, doesn’t it?