Tag Archives: questions

Now What?

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I keep asking myself
What am I holding onto,
and what am I willing to let go of?
The answers don’t arrive
in neat little packages;
they feel more like waves,
and they come as urges,
sensations, intuitive bursts.
When I get still and quiet,
when I listen to what’s being said,
when I feel my way fully
into the experience of this moment
all the signs
point the way
to something deeper.
It sinks in finally:
What I’m seeking
to label
is beyond words.
What I wish to grasp
cannot be seized in my hands.
What I want to understand
exists beyond understanding.
I recognize I know nothing.
Now what?

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Wholly Dazed

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Don’t get me wrong,
it’s not that I hate Christmas…
It’s just that it is dead to me now.
The lights, the trees, the carols,
stepping into the home
of my son’s kindergarten friend,
seeing their happy Christmas
taking shape in their happy home,
and inwardly bemoaning
the shapelessness of my Christmas,
now that it’s dead.
Disintegration.
A marriage, a holiday, a life,
all falling apart.
Dead things decay;
particles break down
and return to the earth.
New life springs up
and eases the memory of death.
Will this happen for me?
Can I hope for this much?

Deeper Initiation

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The world is closing in
and my feelings overwhelm me;
there is no escape.
Wisdom speaks.
It says:
When it appears
that there is no direction to turn,
it is time to turn within.
Can I tease apart
the many layers of my grief?
Can I find the slivers of light
that make their way in
when I reach for the spaces
between the darkest thoughts?
I never knew it would be this hard.
I wonder who’ll I be
on the other end.
Someone suggested
that this is an initiation of sorts.
Initiation into what?
I know sadness, loneliness,
depression and grief too well.
Is this a deeper initiation,
a chance to crack the code
of existence itself?

Nothing New

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Sitting in a bar in Baltimore
waiting for the musicians to play
wondering if there are any new thoughts
a human mind could think—
or are all thoughts just iterations
of the same thoughts
humans have been thinking
for millennia?
I decide to embrace the awkwardness
of nothing new.
I decide I don’t need
to be spectacular.
Wow, the pressure is off.
That feels pretty good.

Called to Serve

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Thinking about expanding my offerings,
wanting to reach out, help out more,
and asking…
Whom do I feel called to serve?
The answer is…Everyone.
All beings.
The Earth.
Forests.
Animals.
Moms who are hard on themselves.
Children.
People who long to express themselves creatively
but who feel too scared..
People who want to escape the daily grind
but don’t know how…
Those who are suicidal
Those who are self-critical
Those who long to be free
of the constraints that were handed to them.
I feel called to serve everyone.
So now I ask
God, how do I navigate this?
How do I answer this calling?
And God says
Just keep breathing.
It will all be clear soon enough.
For now, do your practices;
breathe deeply. Trust. Have faith.
You are on the right track.

Going With Change

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It all changes, all of the time,
so why do we become so surprised
when things change?
The weather, the seasons, our bodies—
always changing,
our moods, our hopes and fears,
our likes and dislikes—
always changing,
the people around us,
the stars in the sky,
our language, our deep desires—
always changing.
And isn’t it a good thing?
Isn’t it a relief to count on change
as the only constant in the universe?
The alternative is to always be stuck.
Which feels better to you?
I’m going with change…

Isn’t That Better?

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You might go to the ends of the earth
and still never find the answer.
You could ask the wisest teacher
and still not know who you are.
Stop all this frantic searching
outside of yourself.
The answers are within.
Get still, close your eyes,
be quiet.
Listen.
There now, isn’t that better?