Little by little
the awakening comes.
Can I be patient?
Can I love the one
who needs time to learn?
with radical honesty.
Can I look at the parts
I’ve been rejecting,
the parts I’ve been ashamed of,
and hold them tenderly,
just allowing them to be?
When I stop fighting with reality
a space opens up within me,
and I can see rightly.
May I trust in this process.
May I surrender to the One
who knows me better than
I know myself.
May I allow this One
to open my eyes, mind,
body, and heart
to this moment as it is.
May I know true grace.
Adjusting to a new reality
and wanting to be graceful about it…
but watching myself
go kicking and screaming instead.
And then grateful
I can be this honest with myself.
Noticing I’m judging
when I want to be accepting,
I’m scared when I want to be brave
I’m avoiding when I want to be proactive.
And it hits me…
I don’t have to be good at this.
I can be the way I am
and show up for myself
with love and compassion.
A space opens up
where the resistance once lived.
Now true grace can be revealed.
Who is the self
behind the stories
behind the words
behind what I have seen
behind what I have heard?
Who is this Self?
I keep looking;
I cannot find it.
I can’t see it or hear it
or taste it or touch it
or smell it…
But I can feel it.
It’s there when
I get still and silent
and go inside myself.
It’s behind the noise
and the heartbreak
and the dissatisfaction
and all the stories
of all the mistakes I made
and all the reasons
I can never be truly happy…
It’s there shining, smiling gently,
arms open wide,
ready to welcome me back home.
I love this Self.
If I keep trying so hard to be good,
when will I ever come to the point
that I actually see myself as good
and relax a little
with who I really am?
I could spend my whole life
trying to be good
and reach the end of it
Is this any way to live?
How about, instead of trying so hard,
I simply sit still and observe?
What if I could see the thoughts
behind my attempts
What if I questioned those thoughts,
and saw myself as I am,
knowing myself in this present moment?
I’ve been meditating on creativity,
what it is,
and how to express my creativity
in order to live an inspired life.
My mind opens to the possibility
that I don’t need to be a famous artist
in order to create art…
I don’t even need another soul
to see my creations
and recognize them as art
in order for me to enjoy them.
It’s the moment of creation–
not necessarily the end result–
that brings the opening
and still more opening
to the possibilities that lie
within and ahead of me.
Living in that freshness
life becomes an exciting adventure
I thought I needed to travel the world
for my life to be interesting…
It turns out that my inner landscape
is just as fascinating as the one I survey
in the outer world,
The discoveries I make within myself
are even more astounding
than anything I could chance upon
The treasure I find on this inner exploration
is worth more than any precious gem
found on earth.
Still trying to be good…
I know this because I can feel it
in the way my belly unconsciously clenches
as I strive to get things done.
My practice has become
settling into the self I am now,
affirming that this moment is good,
that I am just fine as I am,
I don’t have to be someone else.
Perhaps after breathing through this thought
time after time after time
and moment to moment to moment
perhaps I will really feel it in my belly,
this feeling of settling into my self,
of relaxing into this moment,
of truly accepting who I am,
the self that I am right now.
For the longest time
I thought I was in the process
Becoming more successful,
Becoming more happy,
And then I realized…
it’s not so much a process of acquiring
new wealth or new skills,
collecting certain experiences,
increasing my knowledge base
and endearing myself to more and more people–
it’s more a peeling away of all the old beliefs
that kept me locked into
the prison of conditioned existence.
It is not about holding on to the image
of the person I think I need to become…
it is a process of letting go,
clearing the way
for me to fully be the person I have always been.