Tag Archives: self-awareness

True Grace

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Adjusting to a new reality
and wanting to be graceful about it…
but watching myself
go kicking and screaming instead.
And then grateful
I can be this honest with myself.
Noticing I’m judging
when I want to be accepting,
I’m scared when I want to be brave
I’m avoiding when I want to be proactive.
And it hits me…
I don’t have to be good at this.
I can be the way I am
and show up for myself
with love and compassion.
A space opens up
where the resistance once lived.
Now true grace can be revealed.

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I Love This Self

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Who is the self
behind the stories
behind the words
behind what I have seen
behind what I have heard?
Who is this Self?
I keep looking;
I cannot find it.
I can’t see it or hear it
or taste it or touch it
or smell it…
But I can feel it.
It’s there when
I get still and silent
and go inside myself.
It’s behind the noise
and the heartbreak
and the dissatisfaction
and all the stories
of all the mistakes I made
and all the reasons
I can never be truly happy…
It’s there shining, smiling gently,
arms open wide,
ready to welcome me back home.
I love this Self.

Ocean of Life

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I search for meaning
because I want all of this
to mean something…
but what if this was all
impersonal?
What if I could step back,
take a deep breath, relax,
and not see any of this
as a threat?
Peace would come quickly then.
All of the stories of heartbreak,
loss, suffering, injustice
emerge from a sense of self
separate from the world around it.
If I could merge my consciousness
with that of the world’s,
wouldn’t I laugh
at the absurdity of it all?
I could cry all day and night
for twenty years,
and it wouldn’t change
the rhythm of the ocean.
Can I let these waves passing through me
be just another indication
that I am one with the ocean of life?

The Freshness Within

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The rains come.
They wash away the dust,
dirt and heat of the day.
They leave a refreshing coolness,
a softness, a pause,
a freshness.
And when my head
feels hot and cluttered
with dusty thoughts
and the dirt of the world,
I sit and go inside myself
and allow the cooling waters
of self-reflection, of meditation,
of sanity
to give me the softness, the pause,
and the freshness within.
May all beings find their inner solace,
the source of their own healing waters,
and attain liberation
through self-realization.

Getting Stronger

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Mental gymnastics.
Trying to be strong,
trying to choose the positive way,
resisting negativity, anger,
and then it comes, white hot
and so fast it’s all a blur.
Lost it again.
How many times have I lost it today?
How many times have I apologized
to my children for my explosive anger?
And then it’s time
to apologize to myself
for judging myself
for being hurt and lashing out.
Faced with all of this pain
I’m doing the best I can,
but the voice inside
says, “Never good enough.”
How do I respond to that?
I take a deep breath.
I step back into the arena.
More mental gymnastics,
and maybe I’m getting stronger each time.

The Truth Is

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For so long the sense of urgency
has haunted me…
Gotta go there,
gotta do this,
gotta be someone,
I’m not good enough…yet—

gotta get better!
Then I can be loved,

then I can be successful,
then I can be happy.
My head spins,
my stomach hurts,
this belief of
Never good enough
always right there,
chasing me, haunting me.
And then I realize
I can stop, breathe,
feel space within me,
and tune into the truth.
No thing is chasing me,
no thing is haunting me.
Although in the past
I believed my erroneous
thoughts and stories were
THE truth—
today I stand in a different truth.
The truth is,
I am a human, being.
The truth is,
I am imperfect.
The truth is,
I don’t have to be good,
I don’t have to be special,
I don’t have to be right,
I don’t have to be safe,
I don’t have to be other than
who I am right now.
Do you know what this means?
Freedom.

Real Relationship

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I find my anger is getting out of hand,
hot, explosive, uncontrollable, painful.
I stop and look inside.
Under the anger is grief.
Under the grief is fear,
the belief that something is wrong with me.
Behind the fear
there is a soft, tender spot,
a vulnerability,
the truth of my innocence.
If I can stay in touch with this innocence in me,
then I can see and honor the innocence in others.
And then real relationship is possible.