I never thought it would be like this.
That’s because life doesn’t stop
to check in with my little ideas
about how things should be.
It just goes on being what it is,
regardless of my thoughts.
If I want to be happy,
I need to be aware of my thinking,
and ask some questions
when my thoughts create shadows
in place of the light.
May I have the strength to see the truth
when my thoughts have blinded me.
May I have the patience to endure
the challenges life has in store for me,
and may these challenges
make me stronger.
I wanted to learn about surrender
so life gave me some challenges
to see if I was serious.
And these weren’t the sorts of challenges
where effort, reason, persistence and a plan
would bear fruit,
no, these were challenges that showed me
that I have absolutely no control
over anything at all
except for the way I relate to my experience.
Was I going to fight to hold on
to old constructs, to stay in the same place,
to be seduced by familiarity,
even though it was hurting me?
Or could I let everything go,
and watch my empty hands
open and ready to receive
what was next?
I’m waiting to feel motivated
and then I remember
that motivation comes
as I begin to do what needs to be done.
Feelings follow behavior.
If I were to wait
to feel like I wanted to exercise,
I might never step outside my house.
But if I put my shoes on
and walk out into the sunshine
(the wind, the rain, the hot, the cold),
then my body feels good
and my mind says,
Exercise! What a great idea.
Don’t wait to feel like you’re in the mood
to do what needs to be done.
Just begin. Take one small step.
Put one dish away.
Put one shoe on.
(Then the other.)
Once you begin,
the good feelings come.
Now go and do what needs to be done.
You can do it!
What does it all mean?
It means whatever we say it means.
Write a narrative that mirrors your essence,
say it with conviction, live it
through your actions;
there is no mistake.
The questions is
will you be asleep or awake
when you create?
I take a deep breath.
I remember I am free.
I pause, and see
that nothing can hold me back
but my negative, self-limiting beliefs.
Then I remember
I am not my thinking,
I am an opportunity for life to know itself,
for connections to be made
for joy to be shared
for realizations to be had.
I am the potential for self-discovery
and the beauty that arises
from deep, authentic, unguarded loving.
When I remember the truth of myself,
for myself, within myself,
the beauty of this existence
enfolds me in Universal knowing,
and I can feel the most marvelous
potentials within me
growing, growing, growing.
The pressure is off.
You don’t need to be perfect.
Just work hard
to discover who you really are
then share that with the world.
Your voice is unique,
so is your mind
and your spirit…
there will never be another
exactly like you.
The world longs to know you,
the real you.
Would you deny us that?
Have mercy on us,
give yourself completely to us,
know who you are,
and shine that self
into the world,
with the radiant beauty
of your irresistible heart.
I leave home to come back appreciative
for everything that I have in my life,
I seek stillness and quiet on my own
to more deeply enjoy the movement
and the noise of connecting with others.
Returning from my retreat,
I remember why time away is so important;
as with many things in life,
it’s hard to see all that is there
until I experience my life without it.