We are heading out
into the desert
after a day of journeying
We are tired
and here we go again
into the desert
to create a solo circle
and sit alone in the dark.
Our guide told us
Watch how the ego
wants to deny you
a new experience.
Stay with what you’re feeling.
Wish us luck!
Today we were asked
to think back to an experience
we lived when we were young,
something that affected us emotionally
and remained in our memories,
something that hurt us,
marked us, something
that was potentially holding us back
As we imagined ourselves
at that young age
we were also asked
to call our spirit guides in
to help with the healing.
We envisioned our guides
talking with the younger
version of ourselves,
supporting, being present.
I was moved
watching my younger self brighten.
She stopped crying;
she realized she didn’t have to try so hard.
She relaxed; she allowed herself to play.
What if a healing really did
take place today?
If I can suspend my doubts and fears,
maybe, just maybe,
I can feel the little girl in me
playing still, happy to just be alive.
What would it feel like
to surrender myself completely to God?
And how would I go about
surrendering myself so completely?
My faith has alway hit a plateau,
a place where it feels blocked,
Can I reach a little deeper
and trust in the great unfolding?
I can hear the critics sneer.
They talk about delusion,
a lack of accountability,
a lack of responsibility.
But my faith is not complacency,
and I am not a bystander of my life.
When I press on and press through
my own fears,
faith is a great landscape
that I cannot comprehend
but which dazzles and compels me
to keep moving forward.
Maybe I can cultivate faith
in the part of me
that knows faith will help
bring me through this dark night.
Maybe it’s a doorway to God.
Maybe the surrender has already happened
and like a baby,
I’m just now opening my eyes,
seeing the world
for the very first time.
Going through this transition,
everything in my life is changing,
and people (bless their hearts)
want to offer advice:
You’ll need to get a full time job, they say
Your standard of living will go down, they say
Talk to your attorney, they say
It’ll get worse before it gets better, they say
Keep your head down, they say
You’ll be so much happier after this is over, they say.
And I want to say
How do you know what you think is true?
It sounds like what they’re saying comes from fear.
I don’t take advice from frightened people.
I sit and I pray:
Thank you, angels, for making your presence known to me.
Where would you have me go?
What would you have me do?
What would you have me say, and to whom?
We would have you stay right where you are.
We would have you breathe.
We would have you tell yourself
“I love you, I forgive you, all is well.”
Now that is some advice I can take!
And what if you gave up all control?
What if you could trust the Universe
to take the lead?
What if you could open yourself
to the messages of spirit
and having received them,
put them into action?
Friends, there’s no time to be wishy washy.
Are you all in?
When you become a channel for Grace
don’t expect life to make sense.
Grace doesn’t move through your rational mind,
that linear lie of mathematical meaning,
holding on to logic for dear life,
as if it could give us what we yearn for.
Just learn to be still and listen, really listen
to the promptings of your soul.
Be open. Breathe. Watch. Listen. Feel.
There are signs everywhere
pointing you in the direction you need to go.
And you only ever need to know this moment.
It’s all you ever can know.
Let the armor you’ve built around you fall away
to expose the tender, beautiful self you’ve been hiding.
This tenderness reveals the exquisite sensitivity required
to receive the messages sent to you by the Grace
of all that is.
When you live like this
you realize there is no other way to live.
This day is a huge gift!
How many people who were alive yesterday
didn’t wake up today?
And yet here you are, reading these words—
isn’t it amazing you can look at these symbols
and your precious brain makes meaning of them
in a way that your heart can be touched
or your body may want to move?
At any moment you might breathe deeply
and settle into stillness,
or you may jump up
and run like crazy.
Isn’t it amazing?