Tag Archives: surrender

One Little Life

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The purpose of the Dark Night
is to better see the light of day
when dawn arrives
and we realize we are still living.
The hurt we feel
helps keep us real
for all others who are hurting.
And the steps we take to heal the hurt
give us the strength to show up
and convey the honest truth
to those who have forgotten.
In the fullness of time
the wounds heal
and reveal the delicate dance
of life balancing on the precipice
of sadness and joy.
Come to the balance point
and regard the potential for both,
inside, outside,
everywhere around you.
Trust that there are no mistakes
and allow the dance to inform
the deepest layers of your being.
Always in a space of becoming,
we are all dreamers, doers, thinkers,
lovers, artists, scoundrels
and precious fools
fumbling through this one little life.

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To Be Good

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In an effort to cope
with the overwhelming change
I dropped into a cycle
of self-improvement.
Working on myself
is something I can control.
If bad things are happening,
it’s because of my mindset,
my perspective needs tweaking,
obviously I haven’t done the right work
or enough of it
for it to count.
There comes a point
when all this work becomes exhausting,
pointless, fruitless, a waste of time.
Then the work becomes trusting,
surrendering, letting go,
opening up to what is,
being right here,
breathing.
Let me set down this burden
of always trying to be better.
Let me breathe
and love this little creature
that lives within me,
this self that tries so hard to be good.

More On Faith

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What would it feel like
to surrender myself completely to God?
And how would I go about
surrendering myself so completely?
My faith has alway hit a plateau,
a place where it feels blocked,
inauthentic.
Can I reach a little deeper
and trust in the great unfolding?
I can hear the critics sneer.
They talk about delusion,
laziness, resignation,
a lack of accountability,
a lack of responsibility.
But my faith is not complacency,
and I am not a bystander of my life.
When I press on and press through
my own fears,
faith is a great landscape
that I cannot comprehend
but which dazzles and compels me
to keep moving forward.
Maybe I can cultivate faith
in the part of me
that knows faith will help
bring me through this dark night.
Maybe it’s a doorway to God.
Maybe the surrender has already happened
and like a baby,
I’m just now opening my eyes,
seeing the world
for the very first time.

True Grace

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Little by little
the awakening comes.
Can I be patient?
Can I love the one
who needs time to learn?
Self-acceptance begins
with radical honesty.
Can I look at the parts
I’ve been rejecting,
the parts I’ve been ashamed of,
and hold them tenderly,
just allowing them to be?
When I stop fighting with reality
a space opens up within me,
and I can see rightly.
I pray:
May I trust in this process.
May I surrender to the One
who knows me better than
I know myself.
May I allow this One
to open my eyes, mind,
body, and heart
to this moment as it is.
May I know true grace.

Ocean of Life

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I search for meaning
because I want all of this
to mean something…
but what if this was all
impersonal?
What if I could step back,
take a deep breath, relax,
and not see any of this
as a threat?
Peace would come quickly then.
All of the stories of heartbreak,
loss, suffering, injustice
emerge from a sense of self
separate from the world around it.
If I could merge my consciousness
with that of the world’s,
wouldn’t I laugh
at the absurdity of it all?
I could cry all day and night
for twenty years,
and it wouldn’t change
the rhythm of the ocean.
Can I let these waves passing through me
be just another indication
that I am one with the ocean of life?

Lucid Dream: An Ocean of Stars

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In the early morning
just before dawn
I had a lucid dream.
My body still asleep,
my mind became alert
that the reality I was experiencing
was, in fact, a dream.
I was facing a dark parking lot
standing on a narrow path
with the woods behind me,
and it struck me how creepy it was
to be there, just standing there
in the dark night alone.
And then I dropped something
(was it my keys??)
and I began searching in the plants
beside the path for whatever it was
I thought I had lost.
Suddenly, I realized,
I’m dreaming! There is no reason
for me to be here in a dark parking lot
at night by myself.
And then came the feeling of excitement
and the exhilaration that rises up
whenever I realize I’m awake
within my dream,
because now I’m capable of anything,
I can go anywhere,
I can have anything,
I can see everything,
the only limit is my imagination.
At such times
I usually choose to fly
just to verify
that I am in fact dreaming.
So I felt my body rising up
toward the sky.
And I had this felt sense
that I had tried so many times
to be in control of this sort of experience,
wanting to master the art of flying,
to be strong and capable,
taking myself wherever I wanted,
but now…
Now I wanted to surrender.
I wanted to surrender to God.
And so I let myself be buoyed up,
up, up, up,
until I was high in the sky
close to the stars,
and it was this feeling of being held
softly, gently,
of floating in this vast ocean of stars
and it felt so good and so right
to just let myself be held.
I awoke then,
but the feeling has stayed with me,
and this image of being held
by a gentle, unseen, immense force—
floating in an ocean of stars.

Falling Apart

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And then I asked myself,
Why am I trying to hold it all together?
What if I let myself fall apart?
What if all the pieces fell,
and the wind blew some of them away,
and the rains washed others away,
and a broom swept still others away,
until finally,
all that was left
were the pieces that mattered,
the pieces that couldn’t be
blown or washed or swept away…
And what if I took all those pieces
and began building myself again?
Or if some great mosaic artist found them
and created some new work of beauty?
I won’t know until I try.
Maybe I’ll let myself fall apart
and see what happens.