Trust in the enfolding.
Your little eyes see enormous things
but they can’t see everything.
Isn’t life more beautiful
when viewed from the mystery of being?
I show up here again
and I don’t know what to say.
Why should I say anything at all?
I’m tired, sleep deprived,
wondering if my son
will wake me up again
in the middle of the night
as he has done every night this week.
I seek solace everywhere but inside myself,
but this is where the solace rests.
Maybe if I were to just stop,
take a deep breath,
close my eyes and go inside,
I’d find that it’s okay
to not say anything,
it’s okay to be sleep-deprived,
and it’s okay
to seek solace outside of myself…
And then I might laugh,
because it’s the voice within me
that just gave me the solace I was seeking,
that told me I’m okay.
Up at 3am (again)
I found myself panicking about the future.
And so I did some mirror work.
I stood in front of the mirror,
looked into my own eyes,
told myself that I was going to be fine,
that I didn’t need to worry.
I love you Lorien
I said to myself,
I know it hurts right now,
but you’ll get through this, I promise—
and you’ll be stronger on the other side.
It felt kind of goofy at first
but I just trusted and kept
and you know what?
I felt my mood shift,
the panic was gone…
I felt calm enough to sit.
At the very end of my sit,
an affirmation came to me:
I do work that is deeply fulfilling,
that renders great service to humanity,
and which generates fabulous income.
I kept repeating the affirmation
throughout the day,
and felt myself empowering myself
to believe in the world of possibility.
What should I write about?
Write about love.
What can I say about love
that hasn’t been said?
My dear, you are the only you
there ever will be,
and your story matters.
Try. Try to write about love.
Okay, I’ll try,
but how can a tiny drop
describe the entire ocean?
Just trust yourself.
Take a deep breath, and write.
Write about love.
Hmm. Love is…indescribable?
Oh, go ahead and try anyway.
It isn’t love just because
someone is saying “I love you.”
Love is action. And truth.
It is clear vision and humor.
It is forgiveness and understanding.
It is forbearance and clear boundaries,
knowing when to allow
and when to say NO!
It is faith and follow through.
It is showing up and growing up,
giving in, standing up,
giving way, standing down.
It is a deep honoring
of the most basic need in all of us,
to be connected,
to be seen, heard and held.
It is the choice to see the beauty
in the middle of the ugliness
and to be rich
in the presence of poverty.
What else can I say?
I am a tiny drop
in the middle of the vast ocean.
You did fine.
Following my body’s wisdom,
letting my mind rest,
I spent some time
with my two kids,
delighting in their squeals.
The air was cool and fresh
and the towering trees
in the light of the setting sun.
And then on the way
back to the car,
something caught my eye.
I looked down, and looked again,
and there in the gravel
was an impossibly large,
pear shaped crystal
with nary a scratch!
I took it as a sign
that the universe
is watching over me
and now it is sitting on my altar,
ready for the light
of the rising sun.
Fear rises up, resistance,
to represent a voice that thinks
reality is flawed and should be changed.
And then spirit gives my sanity back to me.
It says Breathe.
I take a deep breath and I can feel my fullness,
my power, my connection with this moment.
The fear drops away, the resistance melts,
and my body sits up taller.
It says I am here and all is well.
All of life, all of it, is NOW.
All of my power, my joy, my abundance,
all is unfolding now, only now.
As I look back, the stories that threaten me
are the ones that begin with “What if?”
I’m done playing that miserable game.
It’s time to wake up and since and dance
and rejoice and breathe and celebrate
and say THANK YOU, I’M ALIVE!
As I faced the choice
of turning around
and going back the way I came
or forging ahead into the unknown,
I became aware first of
the fear of the unknown,
and a voice saying “Turn back!”
Then I went deeper into myself
to a place beyond the fear
and discovered that the pull
of a new experience, a new possibility
was more compelling than my attachment
to what is familiar.
Each time I choose possibility over fear,
I get a little stronger,
a little more amazed
by what can happen
when I listen to the voice of courage.