Tag Archives: trust

Remember the Inner Light

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Tired and low again today.
My fear is that this state
becomes my normal state,
that I cease to have hope,
that my resolve to change
crashes and burns.
I remember suddenly
that the solstice is in one week.
These are the darkest days of the year.
May I remember the inner light
as the world grows darker
and the nights longer.

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One Little Life

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The purpose of the Dark Night
is to better see the light of day
when dawn arrives
and we realize we are still living.
The hurt we feel
helps keep us real
for all others who are hurting.
And the steps we take to heal the hurt
give us the strength to show up
and convey the honest truth
to those who have forgotten.
In the fullness of time
the wounds heal
and reveal the delicate dance
of life balancing on the precipice
of sadness and joy.
Come to the balance point
and regard the potential for both,
inside, outside,
everywhere around you.
Trust that there are no mistakes
and allow the dance to inform
the deepest layers of your being.
Always in a space of becoming,
we are all dreamers, doers, thinkers,
lovers, artists, scoundrels
and precious fools
fumbling through this one little life.

Because of You

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I made it through the long dark night
because of you.
You who read my words
and answered my questions,
who tested my assertions
and suggested space
for different conclusions.
I’m still here
because of your presence,
a great gift of light
revealing the truth
that had been obscured
during the long dark night.
Never question your gifts;
never doubt your talents.
You rose to the occasion,
provided a pause of sanity
when my mind was clouded
with every possible lie,
you gave my light room
to breathe and expand,
and I could believe in myself again.
I made it through the long dark night
because of you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank You.

Retreat Day 5: Integration

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Soon we’ll be heading back home.
How will it feel
to leave the warm Arizona desert
and return to the reality
that awaits me back home?
What do I do
when home doesn’t feel like home?
It’s cold in Maryland.
My husband and I are meeting with
the mediator next week.
I still grieve the loss of our friendship,
the loss of closeness, of trust,
of a shared future.
I want to have answers
but that’s not how this works;
I’m living my path
day by day,
moment by moment.
I want to see the whole
trajectory of my life,
but all that is ever revealed to me
is the next step forward,
just one step at a time.
So I take one step.
That’s all I can do.
My deep wish
in this moment
is that the magic I felt
while here
will be so integrated
within my Self
it will stay with me
and live in my heart
as I turn towards
what waits for resolution,
opening to what is.

Retreat Day 4: Ceremony & Solo Circle

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We are heading out
into the desert
after a day of journeying
and ceremony.
We are tired
and here we go again
into the desert
to create a solo circle
and sit alone in the dark.
Our guide told us
Watch how the ego
wants to deny you
a new experience.
Stay with what you’re feeling.
Just stay.
Wish us luck!

Retreat Day 2: Journeying

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We drove to a valley surrounded by beautiful, gentle mountains, a desert landscape, scrubby junipers, yellowing sycamores.  There was a creek  not far off from where we set up our circle of chairs and its soft chatter provided a melodious and comforting backdrop to the deep work we did.

The medicine woman spoke:

Prepare yourself for a journey
back home.
You will be sitting, breathing,
going within.
Searching for guidance,
we listened to the drum
sounding the heartbeat
of the Earth Mother.
Trust, go inside, listen.
Make contact with 
an animal spirit
and ask what its gifts are,
what you are meant 
to be activating in your own life.
After each journey
we would share our insights.
I found myself moved to tears
many times today.
Profoundly exhausted
I realized
that sometimes the most subtle journeys
are the most tiring,
asking for every ounce of will
even as they impart the most precious gifts.

More On Faith

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What would it feel like
to surrender myself completely to God?
And how would I go about
surrendering myself so completely?
My faith has alway hit a plateau,
a place where it feels blocked,
inauthentic.
Can I reach a little deeper
and trust in the great unfolding?
I can hear the critics sneer.
They talk about delusion,
laziness, resignation,
a lack of accountability,
a lack of responsibility.
But my faith is not complacency,
and I am not a bystander of my life.
When I press on and press through
my own fears,
faith is a great landscape
that I cannot comprehend
but which dazzles and compels me
to keep moving forward.
Maybe I can cultivate faith
in the part of me
that knows faith will help
bring me through this dark night.
Maybe it’s a doorway to God.
Maybe the surrender has already happened
and like a baby,
I’m just now opening my eyes,
seeing the world
for the very first time.