This day is a huge gift!
How many people who were alive yesterday
didn’t wake up today?
And yet here you are, reading these words—
isn’t it amazing you can look at these symbols
and your precious brain makes meaning of them
in a way that your heart can be touched
or your body may want to move?
At any moment you might breathe deeply
and settle into stillness,
or you may jump up
and run like crazy.
Isn’t it amazing?
Trying to make sense of the chaos
I realize I haven’t breathed deeply
in a while so I
and I take a deep breath in…I
and let it out slowly.
Suddenly, there is no chaos.
Suddenly, it’s only this moment,
all it ever was,
all it ever will be.
Nothing to be added to it
nothing to be taken from it–
whole and complete just as it is.
I keep looking for someone to see me,
to be excited about being with me,
a friend who mirrors my dreams
and celebrates them
who looks into my heart
and shares a sweet connectedness.
I think I find a friend
and I get excited.
I reach out, send texts expressing my thanks,
celebrating the synchronicity
that brought us here.
I wait, full of anticipation
looking forward to the experience
of full reciprocation.
And then, static on the other end of the line.
That vulnerable feeling
of thinking I divulged too much,
reached out too much,
suffocated a budding friendship
with my over-zealous enthusiasm.
Was I too much?
Was the connection I experienced
all a dream?
These dreams were mine.
And so were the lies I told myself
about needing someone else
to show me to myself.
Back at square one,
I realize I’ll never be done
looking for a friend
if I can’t first be one to myself.
A lot of what we’re chasing after,
a lot of what haunts us,
is this desire to feel complete.
And we think something outside of us
will help us to reach that state of wholeness.
And so we scramble…
a trip to the mall
or to Amazon.com,
an hour (or three) on social media,
We think these things we get
will help us to get a life,
but there is always something else
we are lacking.
One acquisition leads to another…
There will never be enough
to fill that empty whole
inside of us.
until we become very still
and sense that we are complete,
always have been
and always will be.
How could we be otherwise?
Here we are,
being breathed by life,
each breath we are fulfilled.
Any thought that we are lacking something
is a story that was sold to us.
Stop buying it.
Imagine this moment
devoid of thoughts
of what you need
to change or fix about your self
or what needs to be different
about your life
in order to one day be happy.
Without these kinds of thoughts
your mind becomes spacious,
ready to experience this moment.
A spacious mind perceives wholeness.
Peer into the wholeness of this moment.
What do you experience?
One deep breath,
the sound of a beloved near by,
the smell of dinner cooking,
the way the light changes at sunset.
Become fully absorbed in the task at hand,
living to the fullest extent possible,
perceiving the wholeness of the present moment.
The forest saved me again today.
I was feeling grumpy…
tired from moving furniture around
so that I could properly wash my floors,
tired from picking up
clothes, toys, books, papers,
and all the other odds and ends
that inevitably form layers of detritus
in the homes where children live.
Once the floors were mopped and drying,
Instead of spending another minute inside
I grabbed the kids and we went out.
Life makes sense in the forest.
Everything in harmony.
An emerald sea of beautiful, delicate ferns
growing the way they always have.
The sound of the stream after a heavy rain,
the smell of wet earth.
My children and I stroked little mounds of moss,
delighted at the soft texture.
The clouds cleared to reveal a deep blue sky.
The little green fruit left behind
after the blackberry blossoms drop–
and sunlight promising
to bring it all to ripeness–
yes, THANK YOU Mother.
You saved me again today.
The only reason that we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.
Standing in the middle
of my own discomfort,
just watching and waiting
instead of lashing out,
I feel the parts of me
that I once disowned
clamoring for my attention.
What do I do?
What do I say?
Instead of taking a drink
or turning on the TV
or eating something
or playing a game
or smoking something
or going to sleep
or running away
I just sit,
and I let myself feel this discomfort.
As I come to know
this energy of unrest
I see a small child
who doesn’t understand
why the world asks
her to be other than who she is,
smaller than who she is…
I see her sadness
and I mourn for her.
I tell her that she is okay.
She starts to believe me.
Hand in hand
we turn and face the world
We aren’t waiting for the world
to make us feel complete.
We look out with the eyes
and our vision softens our experience.
We can be in this world
with all the broken pieces
and sense the inherent wholeness,
that which can never be broken.